Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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