my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
