Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize