My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
