You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
