Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
