I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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