Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
