dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize