so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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