I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
