i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
