Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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