yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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