my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
