Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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