Quick, to the slutcave!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
