Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
