My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
