my vag is so smooth its legendary
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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