Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I love you. Go after that dick
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
