Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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