You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
