it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
