Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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