I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
