dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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