Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
