4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
