There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
