Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The best revenge is premature balding
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
