just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
