This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize