so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
