I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
