There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
