she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
