its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
