I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize