Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
