Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
