My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
