do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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