hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
