At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize