I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
