he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
