i would punch a child for taco bell
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
