Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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