WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
