thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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