btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
