I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize