uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
