I think my vagina is haunted
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
