Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
