I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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