It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
