I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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