I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
