the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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