Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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