If i come over, it means nothing
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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