I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
