first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
