New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
