I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
