Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she peed on how many people?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize