Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
