Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
