eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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