I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
