Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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