dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
