It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
