I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
