dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
