The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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