Soap is not a condiment
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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