i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
