woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
