My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
