Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
