I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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