He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
where does the pee come out of this thing
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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