apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
