i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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